The Man of the Market - A Yangon Short Story

PANZUNDAUNG MARKETS, YANGON 2017

Sauntered? Swaggered? Sidled? 

Nope, none of these come even close to an iota of his approach. It was as though this old tiger got a whiff of foreigner from the other side of the market, catapulted himself over roaming chickens, stray dogs, and merchants to get to me in order to both ask me some very pressing questions, and practice his English.  

This is not the man of that market, but surely of another.

It was 0730 on a weekday morning, and peak hour at the Panzundaung Markets on the edge of Downtown Yangon. Located on the first bend of the Panzundaung Creek, it’s a hive of activity — even by Yangon standards — and adding an extra chaotic layer are the boats spluttering back and forth from No. 3 Ward in the searing heat or torrential rain: it tends to be one, the other, or both. Even after all this time I still get lost in these markets, but there is a routine once I find my starting point which is my flower lady. She has the best lilies, and in peak season they come in a kaleidoscope of colours: reds, oranges, yellows and pinks. Saying that, I always buy too few as I feel disloyal to my other flower lady on Maha Bandula Road who practices my Burmese with me, so I also pay her bi-weekly visits. Neither of them know about the other: there is no need to learn how to articulate that in Burmese. 

Following that, I go and get a cup of tea in one of the sheds where groups of old men play games with beer bottle caps, and it is quite a serious business. If they are not playing then they are reading papers and arguing about the contents with great passion. As soon as you get in there you are deprived of circulating air, and the sweat starts pouring as though you had entered a European sauna. Although mildly uncomfortable and not aesthetically gratifying, it is one on the feelings that is always at the forefront of my mind when I am away from Yangon and dreaming. You may be wondering why I get the flowers first? Well, it is my attempt to “blend in” as much as one can in my situation, and allude to going about my daily business as normal. I then go for breakfast at a stand perched on the edge of the sidecar thoroughfare as not only are their noodles delicious, but it is the perfect place to watch this world go by.

On this particular morning in 2017,  I was quietly trying to learn about noodles — if “quietly” is such a thing given that I am a 6’ white woman with a booming yet husky voice, well  out of the tourist area, wearing a tailor made Longyi (off the rack do not fit me for a plethora of reasons), and trying to learn Burmese — whilst attempting to order them . It had become quite interactive and A-Ma was helping me by waiting patiently for me to read the Burmese word and was then lifting up the corresponding noodles from big barrels which would surely be empty in the next few hours. Many people were coming and going, mostly getting bags of takeaway as they were laden with all sorts of ingredients, and this was the last stop before heading home from work. However, many lingered, and even though they pretended to not be interested, their shyness gradually dissipated and  the furtive sideways glances gave way eventually to sweetness and giggles. After a purposefully prolonged dance, I ordered my soup and she went about making it with the dexterity that comes from the volumes she prepares daily: as if in one fluid movement, the noodles, followed by the broth and the dried fish cut with blunt scissors, were prepared and in front of me. 

Almost out of breath, he arrived at the same time as the soup, wearing a wonderfully bright Hawaiian shirt atop a well worn Longyi: he had obviously made quite the effort, and it was reinforced by a whiff of an unfamiliar cologne which hit me squarely on my snout. His two remaining front teeth were a testament to his love for the Betel Quid, but instead of having the parcel circulating on his gums, he was munching on what appeared to be a cookie. 

“Where is your husband”? he partly demanded, as this knowledge is often imperative for Burmese men of a certain vintage. 

“Oh, I don’t have a husband”. 

Simultaneously perplexed and flabbergasted. 

“But who is going to look after you when you’re old”? 

“I have no need for a husband, and I like to look after myself”. 

Pure shock, then a small monologue — doused in pride —  about how he had a son in Singapore who was going to look after him when he was old. He then declared, to me and all the ladies, with a double layer of suaveness and community spirit which is rife in Myanmar,  that he was going to have to buy me breakfast as he was very worried that I didn’t have a husband. 

Whilst this was all going on, something quite frightful happened. You see, I have mentioned that I had my fresh soup, and that he had two teeth and was munching a cookie right?  Well, as he was talking at me, I saw, as if in slow motion, I saw a morsel of the cookie project itself out of his mouth and into the air, and then watched it land in my soup with a small gerplonk. That left me in a bit of a predicament as I did not want to offend the beautiful lady that had been helping me, nor did I think my exotic eating habits could stretch that far. So whilst he was moderately gently educating me on the merits of having a husband and children, I was trying to navigate the situation without offending anyone. 

Eventually he left (after so nicely paying for my breakfast) and I went through my books and found out how to ask to take it away. Whilst searching for this my eyes skipped over “Long time no see” in my notes. 

A certain amount of time passed, anywhere between three and five minutes is my guess, but who knows as the cookie projectile itself seemed to last about 15 seconds. My noodles were ready to go, I had my fresh lilies in hand, and I was about to stand up when he approached again with what appeared to be even more surprised at my lack of having a husband. It was as though he had gone away, thought about it, shaken his head, taken the last bite on his cookie (as his hands were now empty), and simply decided that it could not be true. 

Upon his return, I said, “Ma Twe Da Jabi Naw” and every single delightful lady in my proximity, young and old could not hold back the laughter. I am not as sure now as I was then that it was my attempt at sarcasm which elicited this reaction, as since that occasion, a strong majority of the time, when I say, “long time no see” the reaction is often puzzlement as they have just seen me the day before. Whether it was the sarcasm, or my rudimentary attempts at Burmese, it will always remain a mystery, but they were definitely laughing at something.  

He then said, “I still can’t believe you don’t have a lover”. 

“Oh, I never said that. I have no shortage of lovers”, and with that got up, took my now redundant breakfast and thirsty lilies, politely bade farewell, and left him gasping for words and grabbing for a Betel Quid. 

Myanmar Travel 2019/ 2020 FAQ

Over the last 4 years, the changes I have witnessed in Myanmar have occurred at a phenomenal pace, and it shows few signs of abating. Transformation is not just a buzz word, thus, it can be a challenge to obtain current information. I am part of a few Myanmar travel groups on Facebook, and I see that many questions come up again and again so I will try and cover these here, but, often things change on a day to day basis.

Much of the following is relevant especially to Yangon as this is where most people start their trip., and here is a little about what to expect from Yangon. Also, these are all my opinions based on my personal experiences, and many people do have different takes.

Information can also be confusing, Like just recently, when the Myanmar Embassy in Vienna released documentation saying that there are 6 new countries now eligible for Visa on Arrival, including Australia. I am still not sure who is confused here. It surely can’t be me, as being half-Austrian half-Australian I am familiar with the differences.

Best time to travel

Myanmar has 2 seasons, Monsoon and dry. Between the months of July and September, the rains are in full force. Not to say that it is not good to travel, but you are really rolling the dice with the weather, especially in the south of Myanmar. The further north that you go, the drier it is likely to be. Saying that, there are some very beautiful sunsets to be had!

Many say that the best months to travel are between November and March when it is neither scorching nor raining. April and May are incredibly hot.

I have not been here during the northern Winter which is also the peak tourist season, but personally October and November are my favourite months to travel as everything is lusciously green, and there are not many tourists yet, so there is much more room for spontaneity. The Taunggyi Balloon Festival is also on in November, which is a sensational experience.

A really bad time to travel is during Thingyan (which is the Burmese New Year Festival) as there is nothing open and transport is a nightmare. Thingyan occurs for 4-5 days during April, but it affects travel for about a week. There is still transport, but it gets booked out very very quickly, which allows little or no room for spontaneity.

SAFETY

Myanmar is incredibly safe. I have travelled much of the land solo (including Kachin State) and have never run into trouble. The people are kind, generous, helpful and curious. Even though there are many conflict zones, tourists are not allowed anywhere near them. For restricted areas, please see here.

There is very little crime involving tourists, but like any other country always remain alert. If you do have a problem, there are tourist police available.

VISAS

There are two visa options (or three) for entering Myanmar unless you have a waiver. The first is going to an embassy, which can be useful for certain border crossings such as Htee Kee (which I found out the hard way), or you can get an tourist e-visa which has a duration of 28 days. E-visas do not take long and are relatively painless, the official e-visa website is here (you are required to travel within three months of the visa being approved.) They are also pretty strict that you arrive at "the port of entry” stated on your visa.

Here is a detailed link for overland entry possibilities.

Visa on arrival is going to be available for certain countries from October 1st, 2019, but it still costs $50 USD.

In regards to requiring a ticket out of Myanmar, I have never been checked, but that may be case dependant. It is easy enough to buy a cheap bus ticket if need be.

It is likely that you will have your visa checked at the airport where you depart for Myanmar. I have been checked frequently in Europe. Make sure that you have a printed copy, as they stamp that too.

If you overstay your visa, there is a charge of $3 USD per day (after 90 days it becomes $5 a day), and they are pretty relaxed about it compared to neighbouring countries (in the 4 years with multiple overstays I have not had a problem). The overstay office at Yangon Airport is easy to find, and they also allow it at land crossings. It is best not to push it though: although I am not sure at which stage they get suspicious, i wouldn’t stay over a month too long.

Saying that though, your passports and stamps will constantly get checked by both guesthouses and the military whilst you are travelling. In areas where tourists are not such common place, they tend to be more vigilant. I have encountered checks by the military in both Kachin State and on an overnight bus from Yangon to Dawei. If you do find yourself overstaying, I would stay on the well trodden paths.

MONEY

The Burmese currency is the “kyat - MMK” (pronounced “Jet” with a silent t). The situation with accessing money has vastly improved after the last few years, but it is still not perfect. As of today, $1 USD will buy you approx. 1500 kyat. Kyat comes in denominations of 50, 100, 200, 500, 1000, 5000 and 10,000 (being the largest). They do not use coins.

ATM’s charge 6500 kyat for a withdrawal, but ensure that the ATM has the corresponding sign (such as Maestro). Normally the maximum withdrawal is 300,000 Kyat, but there are a few ATM’s which dispense up to 600,000 kyat. For people coming from Europe, I have found N26 to be the perfect travelling account, but have had problems with my Transferwise card.

Changing money at the airport is fine as the exchange rate is great (unlike at most other airports in the world), and there are also many exchange places in town which give the going rate with no commission. It used to be the case in Myanmar that you need to bring only fresh, crisp, undamaged $100 USD bills, and to an extent it is still true. Now however the USD is still used, but you will find yourself using Kyat the majority of the time (and in more remote places such as Chin State, there are no ATM’s nor do they accept USD). You will need USD mostly for guest houses, but even then, they will simply do a currency conversion if you only have Kyat. The money changers also change other currencies. The larger the notes, the better the rate.

It is also now very easy to exchange Euros (same deal with crisp, larger denomination notes). This is easier for those travelling from Europe. In fact, you can get by with no USD at all.

Credit cards are now more widely accepted.

TAXIS

The first taxi you will need is from the airport to your accommodation (in Yangon there is also a bus available which takes you downtown, or your hostel or hotel may pick you up). Depending on the time of the day, you should be able to get a taxi for 8000 Kyat, but at peak times you may need to go up to 10,000. In Yangon there are taxis everywhere, and they base their fares on the time your ride will take, but always negotiate. You should not pay more than 3000 Kyat within the city, and between 1000 - 2000 for a short ride. Grab is also readily available, there is no UBER.

For the adventurous, there is a bus network, and also in downtown Yangon sidecars can be convenient as they are not required to adhere to the one way rules. Plus, it’s fun.

For Grab in Mandalay you can also book a tuk-tuk.

SIM CARDS

I would suggest getting a sim, which is incredibly easy. This is another aspect of Myanmar that has changed a lot in the last 5 years as competition has only recently been permitted. I am not sure on the machinations as to which are the best, but I use Telenor, and I have the app to purchase data pacs. Telenor’s main competitors are Ooredoo and MPT. Apparently Ooredoo is better in remote areas, but I have never had major problems. Burmese use a lot of Facebook, WhatsApp and Viber.

It is worth getting a sim, as the WiFI can still be sketchy, especially when you are out of the major cities.

DRESS CODE

This is inherently a contentious issue. The traditional dress in Myanmar is a “Longyi” which may very loosely be likened to a sarong. The name for men’s is a “paso” and for the women a “htamein”. I am a huge supporter of the traditional dress: for the men it is comfortable and for the women it is delicate and feminine. They come at varying costs, and can be tailored or purchased off the rack (for the less, ahem, buxom women). Longyi shopping can be fun, and even if you choose not to don the local clothing it is worth buying some fabric on your travels as a souvenir Here is an article outlining the female attire. If you do choose to wear it, you are in for a wonderful surprise. They do not see it as cultural appropriation at all, in fact they see it as a sign of respect.

On the other end of the spectrum, many believe that you should be able to wear whatever you want, and please, go ahead. Short shorts, spaghetti straps, braless….. BUT I can assure you that locals are much more receptive and friendly when you are dressed accordingly, especially in rural areas. An exception to this of course is when you are at western bars or hotels, in which case for women I suggest a wrap for your shoulders when going arriving or departing the premises.

I am hoping that it is a given that being dressing appropriately in religious sites is a given….

SHOWING RESPECT

Aside from being polite at all times, when you give or receive anything, especially money, place your left hand on your right arm as below the elbow as you do. Also, if you see locals staring at you, it is most probably out of curiosity, so a smile never goes astray. I find this much easier when I am not wearing sunglasses.

There is also many benefits in learning a few words, such as:

Hello “Min-ga-la.ba” However, there are many ways to say hello. and when the Burmese are speaking to each other, they will asked closed ended questions as a greeting, such as, “Are you good?” and “Are you comfortable?”.

Thank you “Jei—zu-tin-ba-day”(formal, saying, “Thank you very much.”) and Jei-zu-bey (“thanks”.)

That’s OK, no problem, I’m good: “Ya-bah-deh”. This is particularly useful for taxi drivers and merchants.

CONVERSATIONS WITH BURMESE

Again the locals are incredibly curious, and tend to take have a unique approach. Rather than be asked normal (to us) questions such as your name, be expected to be asked where your husband is (or wife), how old you are, why you are not married and your occupation. Then they might get to your name. Expect them to be both concerned and fascinated if you are a female travelling alone.

Never ever bring up religion or politics, and if the one you are conversing with does, safest bet is to tread very lightly.

TAKING PHOTOGRAPHS

Always exercise absolute decorum in this area as many people do not like their photographs being taken, especially the beautiful women with the tattooed faces in Chin State. Always always ask. The way to say this in Burmese is, “Da-pon yai-ma-la”, but symboling what you intend to do will always suffice. I often show my subjects (especially the kids) the photo I have taken.

I am still on a mission to get a polaroid camera so I can give them a copy as a keepsake.

MYANMAR FOOD

Myanmar food is diverse and delicious if you know where to look. A common complaint is that it is too oily, but in this case it is due to refrigeration issues and food preservation. I have only had food poisoning in Myanmar one time, and that was from food at a Western restaurant.

Myanmar food is a huge part of the culture, and if you cannot summon your inner adventurer you are missing out. Noodles, salads, spices, exotic fruits and vegetables… It is an economically viable smorgasbord.

As most people arrive into Yangon, I would highly recommend a street food tour by Anglo-Burmese Marc Shortt of Sa Ba Street Food Tours offers a variety of different tours, all of which give you an in-depth introduction to the culinary delights of this wonderful land which will equip you perfectly for your time in Myanmar.

YANGON TOURS

Aside from Sa Ba Street food mentioned above, there are a few tours in Yangon. Uncharted Horizons is another good one: they take you on half or full day bike trips, and you get to see another side of Yangon.

Adding to this there is also a heritage tour (which I am yet to go on but I intend to). The colonial buildings in Downtown Yangon are one of the things which make this city very special.

COST OF BEER AND CIGARETTES

Heads up, if you are not going to Western bars all the time it is super cheap to get drunk. Whisky and beer are unbelievably cheap, (a long neck of beer is about $1.50, and a glass about .60c. Beer stations are good fun, and the beer is the same price as in a shop.

A packet of cigarettes is in the vicinity of 1000 kyats, so about .70c. You can also smoke pretty much anywhere: it is a degenerate’s dream.

TIPPING/ DONATING/ GIVING MONEY TO BEGGARS

This is a contentious issue. As a general rule, tipping is not expected, with the exception of guides. If you tip at a beer station then they will most likely run after you trying to give it back. However, if you are a regular somewhere, or have had a personalised and wonderful stay somewhere, then tipping is appreciated.

Don’t give money to beggars. Full stop. Beggars target both locals and Westerners, and are mainly to be found in tourist areas. It is generally not a culture.

Getting around Myanmar

Whilst there are flights available, the overnight bus system is sensational. You basically feel like you are in business class on an aeroplane. Between the tourist “hot-spots” I would recommend JJ Express as you cannot go wrong.

Most busses in Yangon leave from the Aung Mingalar Bus Station which is out near the airport. At peak traffic times you will need to allow two hours to get there, and I strongly recommend taking a taxi as they will get you to the correct bus: the station is like a mini city, and very hard to navigate alone.

Busses and planes are a rudimentary way to travel, and if you have limited time, then the best option. BUT I would highly recommend incorporating train and boat travel into your itinerary if you can. Both are unique experiences which allow you to see the landscape and mingle with locals. Overnight trains are not great though, as they are bumpy as hell and bugs are attracted to the light. For detailed train travel, one cannot go past the “Man In Seat 61”.

MOTORBIKES

Aside from Yangon, where they are not permitted, motorbikes are the most prevalent mode of transport in the country. In most destinations you can hire them for a day, and you can also get moto-taxis in many areas. Not expensive at all.

For something a bit more special, try Myanmar Motorbikes.

Bagan is a rare case though where they rent out electric bicycles to see the temples rather than motorbikes.

HOMESTAYS

Homestays are as a general rule not permitted in Myanmar, and the people hosting you will get into trouble. Technically foreigners are required to stay in registered guest houses, and the lenience varies from area to area. On the trek from Kalaw to Inle Lake, you will most likely stay in Homestays through your guide, but he or she will also be there.

Again, it is only a general rule, and there are circumstances where there are exceptions.

TREKKING

The most popular trek in Myanmar is from Kalaw to Inle Lake, and for good reason. It is incredibly touristy for good reason. the scenery is spectacular, and even though you know that there are a multitude of other groups out there, you don’t really see them.

There are an abundance of trekking companies in Kalaw, and the best is to talk to various companies and see which one suits your needs. You will also see many other people walking around doing the same, so you might find a group to go with before you book.

Keep in mind that you need to book your hotel at the other end before you start trekking, as your main backpack will be transferred and waiting for you at the hotel when you arrive.

This is not the only trekking in Myanmar. Chin state and Hsipaw (to start with) also boast fabulous trekking.

What to Expect From Yangon, Myanmar

Betel Nut Stains on the pavement

When I saw the first stain I thought someone had had a blood nose on the pavement, but learnt that it is a result of mainly the local men sucking betel nuts wrapped in a leaf with other ingredients depending on one’s personal preferences. Lime stone, tobacco, herbs… There are stations everywhere, and not only do these things give you a high, but they give your teeth a wonderful red bloody glow. At first it is quite confronting, but you get used to it. 

Kamikaze Driving

Merrily high on the betel nut, drivers of all vehicles honk. Whether it be in lieu of indicators, rounding a corner, or alerting pedestrians, cyclists and potholes to their presence, it is a constant. Even at night on a bus.

Crossing a road

Ever played Frogger? The only fool proof system I have discovered is to throw caution to the wind, latch onto locals and follow them in. Once you get the hang of it though, you don’t even notice the honking. Just one lane at a time, stand in the middle of the road, be aware that you don’t have right of way, or basically, splat. 

Riding a bus

A chaotic adventure. If you are lucky you will jump on when it is moving as they may not want to miss the green light. But it is ok, there is a guy to help you. Each bus has a “guy” or two who collect the money, yell out the stop names and keep things running in systematic chaos. 

Trains 

Whether it be within Yangon or around the country it is not an experience to be missed. The old English trains go at a snails pace and it is a perfect way to watch Burmese people go around their daily business. The vendors come through selling fruit, drinks, snacks and toys. The Yangon circular train costs 200 Kyat (about 20c) for three hours. Economic to say the least, and not to mention the beauty of the colonial train station. 

Overgrown buildings

Sigh. I can sit on the balcony and watch the buildings all day long. The colonial building are beautifully overgrown: you can imagine a tree growing through the centre of the house. It can’t be good for the structure, but the aesthetics are divinely unique.  

Business names

The business names, especially those of travel agents and guesthouses leave little open to interpretation. Many of both are along the lines “OK”,  “So so”,  “Mediocre”, “It’ll do”, “Why Not”? “Give it a shot”, “Where else ya gonna look”? 

Wiring 

You could almost make a skipping rope out of some of the low hanging wires. 

Stray dogs

I have found the dogs to be docile (their behaviour may be different towards those of marginal character) and they generally chill out during the day. Come night time it is their land. Time to assert some authority, cruise the block and howl just to make their presence known. 

Pavements

Potholes, cracks, loose slabs… It is a whole lot of “oopsy daisy” waiting to happen, especially when you are diligently dodging the dogs and the wires whilst looking at the buildings and schniffing out something to eat. 

Moving vendors (food choices) 

There is such a delicious cross section of food in Myanmar (and especially the big cities) that one’s foraging is never done. Even when you find something aligned to your taste you have to be sure to go at the right time of the day. 

Chairs at tea houses

Like a child’s tea party where you must be somewhat svelte to perch in these tiny seats, normally located in the gutter. 

Child waiters 

It is only apt that at these tea party set ups there are child waiters serving you. Actually, they may not be children: the age of the Myanmar people is impossible to tell. I am almost never right. 

Kissing noises 

If you want service at tea houses and beer stations you need to make two kissing noises into the air, which makes you feel a little rude, but hey, it’s the way that it is done. Just don’t do it when you return to your home land as it may get you in trouble. 

Toilets: the seedier the better

At first I hated the toilets, but after spending so much time in the country when I go to a bathroom in a restaurant I am slightly disappointed if it is a Western design. Even more so when I find that the toilet is not located right next to the food preparation area. 

Toilet paper for everything

Wiping is a given, but also as tissues, napkins, business cards, and tea towels. 

Food containers

People walking along the street will often have one of those ingenious multi compartment metal containers where the rice is separate normally from the curries or other delicious meals that they have in there. They are called tiffins 

Home Delivery Systems

For weeks I wondered what the long pieces of string hanging from the apartment blocks were. Basically, the vendors will go past, you will send down your money on the rope, and then they will attach your food to the clip and you pull it back up. 

Monks

I used to imagine monks being these ultimately serene creatures, but apparently they go about daily life like normal. They eat, they smoke, they talk on their mobiles and watch tv. Sometimes simultaneously. 

Manual Labour

They don’t like to do things the easy way here, or maybe they are unaware of an easier way, but everything seems to be done by hand. Whether it be food preparation, building sites or farming.

Chinlone

The Myanmar males are buffed. Some of this can be attributed to the amount of manual labour, but more so to the national sport of “chinlone” which to me appears to be the love child of hacky sack and volleyball. With a cane ball they will either stand around in a circle or on either side of a net and play for hours. 

Longyis

The way that the burmese dress is so very sophisticated. Especially the women. The wear fitted sarongs with matching tops, and whilst they are fully covered they look feminine, classy and sophisticated. Normally made of cotton they are comfortable, whether it be one that simply ties or is fitted. The men also wear these (called a pasol) and the really dextrous ones tie the knot loosely at the front. Men are constantly readjusting as there is a fear of it falling down. That I would like to see. 

Thanaka

Thanaka is bark of certain trees used as make-up and sunscreen on everyone. Men and babies use it as sunscreen, but women use it as makeup. I felt like a clown when I wore it, but the Myanmar people see it as very beautiful. 

A baby and mother both wearing thanaka. 

Velvet flip flops

Flip-flops. The national shoe. Everyone everywhere wears them. Many of the men wear velvet flip flops, and when the women are dressing up they wear platformed flip flops. I am yet to find some in my size. 

Safe, but metal detectors

As a tourist I have seen no crime in this wonderful land, however you know it exists somewhere as when you go into the movie theatre or cinema you often pass through a metal detector. 

Getting caught in the rain

Being in Myanmar in the rainy season it is bound to happen, and I always make a deliberate b-line for somewhere the locals are huddled. It always provides a beautiful interaction. 

When you adapt and put it all together

The ideal way to experience this country is to learn a few words of Burmese, put yourself in a longyi, thanaka and velvet flip flops and just cruise and interact. The people are kind, generous and boast the most beautiful smiles. 

Anti-Social guest houses

After all this overload you can go back to your guesthouse and not worry about loud music, or irritating guests as the guest houses seem to be designed for little interaction. There may be a small common area at the reception and a balcony for smoking here and there, but after all the stimulation you get from going outside the quiet time is a welcome comfort. 

Enjoy your time!!

Yangon, Myanmar (Burma): A Sensory Overload

She came out of nowhere, gently took me by the arm and said, “Dirty”. 

My initial thought was, “You know it sister!”, But then I remembered where I was, and was certain I was to be led out of the market by this wonderfully weathered Burmese woman as I had no place there.  This Yangon market was not for postcards and trinkets, and I doubt they saw many foreigners, let alone towering ones in bright red dresses. She must have read my thoughts, as she pointed to my legs before she started steering me through the market. Under low-hanging makeshift tarpaulins we went, stepping over stray dogs and chickens gone rogue, whilst dodging piles of long forgotten rubbish. I almost tripped over a merchant sitting cross legged on the ground whilst I contemplated why the ravenous dogs chose to let those chooks roam.  

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A woman at the market wearing thanaka

She was right, I was dirty. Not only were my legs were flecked with mud, but my shirt was sticking to my dress, which in turn was sticking to my back (the two layers were not for warmth but for modesty) and even more perspiration was trickling into my eyes, as my sunglasses had been abandoned out of respect. 

She guided me to an oil barrel filled with water in the confines of a shack. Whilst my eyes adjusted she took a small tin bowl and started bathing the back of my legs in a motherly manner. From the cool darkness I could see my American companion looking for me, but I didn’t know what to say, nor did I want to yell out, for fear of fracturing the moment. I only knew that she was finished when she gave me a gentle double tap, like you would to congratulate a mare whose hooves you have just cleaned, and then she stood up, coming up not much further that my ribs. She gave me a warm look, and sent me on my way.  I just wish I had known how to say thank you at that stage. 

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The street outside my hotel 

I had only been in Yangon for a day, maybe two, but I was already learning that this magical place was more about interactions and quirks than the Pagodas and the streets featured heavily in The Lonely Planet. I would love to say this was by my own volition, but did I not have someone immersed in the culture to show me the beauty, it is most likely I would have spent two days on 19th street sitting around in well documented “off the beaten track” restaurants with other travellers having a pissing contest about who was more intrepid. 

Instead I stayed six. And then six more at the end of my trip. Not on 19th street, but on the 9th floor of a hotel on the periphery of downtown looking down onto a chaotic intersection. Long beautiful neglected streets, an abundance of street food and a birds eye view on a hive of chastity. Yes. That’s right I was a solo female traveller overlooking a monastery. So much spirituality. So many questions answered. Monks wear boxer shorts. 

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Monk's washing 

But a woman’s got to eat, and each time I left the room (at first reluctantly) I had an adventure which was an unmitigated attack on one, some, and all of my senses. As soon as I stepped outside I would be blasted with humid air and chaos, which got me to stand back, have a cigarette, readjust and observe. Oddly the chaos brought me comfort. I don’t know if it was because I had just spent five months in the overly pristine and manicured Oslo, or simply that there was so much going on that I had no time to indulge my inner voices, but I felt calm, brave, and compelled to extend the perimeters of my comfort zone. 

I cannot say that pigs innards in broth (pork doto) were the most succulent morsels, but for me prior, adventurous eating in Thailand had consisted of switching (on rare occasion) from chicken Pad Thai to chicken fried rice for fear of food poisoning. The fact that the broth was washed down with a bottle of $1.50 whisky whilst sitting on tiny chairs, in the gutter of a bar (where I was the only woman) with all eyes on me made me feel like a princess. Screw the tiara, this was living. It did not take me long to get up the gumption to not only get the waitresses attention, but to ask to pay, and to hand over the cash which was a three tier ritual (assisted by the whiskey and my companion). First you have to make kissing noises, and not of the half assed Soccer mum variety. Nope, two full smooches into the air is the only way to get the waitress (or waiters) attention. Then when she came over, I requested the bill (shin-mey). I didn’t understand the amount, but handed over the equivalent of five dollars for the whole meal and drinks (which may as well have been a $100 or €100 note). As I delivered it, I placed my left hand gently on my inner elbow, and handed her the money palm up. The waitress did the same manoeuvre to both receive the money and hand me my sufficient change as it is a sign of respect (on both parts). The bemusement and smiles made me hanker for more: it was a novelty for both sides. 

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Shan noodles I ate at the end of a three day trek in Shan State 

The first time I went out for dinner myself, I chose an innocent looking Shan noodle stand that I had seen from my hotel room at night (again with the child’s tea party set up in the gutter) run by children no older than 14. As I approached they gathered together, and started giggling. I pointed to a dish that a local customer was eating, and then gestured nervously to a table where I was going to attempt to sit. They delivered my hot tea and noodles and watched me from a safe distance with much curiosity. Here I was, inches from the kamikaze traffic, sipping hot tea and eating spicy noodles with an audience. Yes, I feel the need to repeat the hot and spicy factor as clearly it was noticeable. A young girl cautiously approached and from a safe distance whilst her brothers and sisters looked on, and politely asked if she could sit. She could actually fit on the tiny seats, and she daintily held out a box of tissues (again with the left arm on the inner elbow) for me to wipe my brow. Over the next five minutes (whilst she handed me tissue after tissue) I managed to express that it was delicious, but I was not used to the food as where I come from it is very cold, and I showed her a photo on my phone of the Austrian Alps. Again I left wishing I could communicate more. 

Like my companion could. 

Learning the language and about the people had given him a strut. As I followed behind him each afternoon in his longyi (which is the traditional dress of the Burmese men) I got to see the reactions of these wonderful people when he spoke to them in Burmese. Women and men would comment on his attire, unaware that he could understand, and he would reply, “La-dey no?” translated as, “Pretty, isn’t it”? and then engage in conversation. Invariably the reaction was undiluted delight, and I wanted in on it. 

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The Betel leaves used to wrap the ingredients 

It started with me asking if I could have a turn. As he strutted I saw some men admiring, so I looked at them, smiled, and said, “La-dey no”? And nailed it. They laughed, and shook their heads as though they could not believe it. They probably couldn’t. Their smiles were huge, red stained toothy smiles. At first I had thought that the red stains were blood, and that there was a serious shortage of dentists in Yangon, but these smiles were too prevalent and unabashed for that. Instead they are the result of chewing –or more accurately sucking and spitting– betel leaves with tobacco and other ingredients inside such as lime paste, tobacco, betel nut and other spices depending on personal taste. It is not just a nicotine fix, but as a taxi driver said to me, “Eat but no sleep. My teeth are walking, my brain is walking, no sleeping”. I did eventually try it, with an elderly nun in a home stay on day two of a three day trek in the Shan State, but I don’t think it was the strong stuff. 

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People wearing traditional dress at Shwedagon Pagoda 

The women held a different kind of admiration for the Westerner in the longyi.  It was not so much, “Check out the white guy rocking the longyi” but more tilted towards, “Oh my!”. As they appreciated, I found myself in turn appreciating their dress. The women also wear longyis made of beautiful silks and cottons which reach the ankles, but on top they wear matching tailored shirts covering the shoulders, often with intricate patterns. Accentuated sophistication without a muffin top, camel toe or VPL in sight. Their make-up is also understated, if they wear any at all, aside from thanaka, which is a fragrant whitish yellow paste doubling as sunscreen. Burmese women are the pinnacle of class, yet they still responded in the same way to a little, “Ladey-no?”. 

The next phrase I learnt was sa-bi-bi-la? which doubles as a colloquial, “hello” as well as asking somebody if they have eaten. It is a little but cute, and to be used when greeting groups of children or people younger than you. They will giggle, and tell you not whether or not they have eaten, which is also the equivalent of saying hello back. Apparently, it is not appropriate to say it in a bar to a rather intoxicated man as he leers at you. Oops. 

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Shwedagon Pagoda 

It was the perfect training ground for what followed. Armed with some phrases that I now said with confidence, I went travelling for two weeks, and whether I was on a slow boat down the Irrawaddy, trekking to Lake Inlay or at a home-stay in the Shan State the reaction was always the same, and by the time I returned to Yangon I had my own prance. This time I did go to the markets, so I too could start donning a longyi, and I did explore the majestic Shwedagon Pagoda, but three months later it is still my senses that have been most impacted. 

The touch of the woman, the taste of the wildly exotic street food, the sight of the beautiful yet neglected buildings, the sound of laughter and the smell of the streets all together create a beautiful symphony in my mind. 

The second part of this adventure will begin next month when I use the crumpled Kyats still tucked neatly in my passport to pay for my taxi from the airport. 

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The sun setting on the beautiful buildings during my last night.