Because we didn't know that.
Towels get dirty.... Especially when you use them to clean ear wax.
Granny is using the New York Times to show us that the words "hipster" and "dude" were around before we invented them! Who would have thunk it.
Apparently ear wax is awesome because it keeps the riff-raff out. Like those bogan crayons.
That's just hilarious, because people are simply not confused enough already!